[My experience] What did I gain from a period when I thought it was my fault?

I think there are many people who blame themselves and feel bad about things.
Even if it's not like that usually, sometimes it happens at random times.
I'm posting for the first time in a while, hoping it will make you feel a little better.
I'll write the following in a relaxed style, as usual.

People who blame themselves and feel miserable

Well, I think there are people who blame themselves and feel miserable

"It's my fault that that person is in a bad mood"

"My judgement was wrong and that's why this happened"

"I'm causing trouble for everyone"

There are people (at times) who carry negative feelings like that and spend their time as if they've seen the end of the world

From there, they even think that it would be better if they didn't exist in the world

Other people would be happier if they didn't exist

I have no right to put myself out there

When you get down to it, there are people (at times) who carry so much that they end up saying that it would be better if they died

From the perspective of those around them,

it's not your fault

and life and death are separate issues

I don't know what you're talking about

There are people who push themselves to that level and suffer

How about you, the person reading this? Psychiatric drugs that make my hands tremble
If you can find even old articles, you will understand

That was me in the past

After an incident, I decided that everything was "my fault" and furthermore, I mass-produced "reason why it was my fault" one after another

And there was a time when I pushed myself hard, saying "See, it's my fault after all"

As a result, I became severely depressed and took so many psychiatric drugs that my hands trembled

Even now, it was very painful to think about it

People like that

I think that they have a strong sense of responsibility

They are highly sensitive

They were raised in a negative environment

It's a combination of various circumstances

So my question is

Is it your fault?

A strong sense of responsibility, a high sensitivity, an environment of denial

These parts are also influenced by the environment you grew up in

Let's say you were born into a poor family and were forced to live a poor life

Is it your fault? That's how it is.

A strong sense of responsibility and sensitivity is a talent in a sense.

It's hard to get even if you go to seminars or make an effort.

Rather than using it to your advantage,

I think it's a state in which you are using it as a weapon to blame yourself.

I've been in that state myself, so I know it's a very difficult and painful time.

The bottom line is that there is no benefit to blaming yourself.

Rather, since you are hurt and exhausted, you can't even perform at your best.

I think it's a complete waste.

This is not what professional psychiatrists and veteran counselors have learned, but just what I felt from my own experience.

Even things that you would have been able to do with confidence and things that would have improved.

When you are in the "it's my fault world," you avoid involvement as much as possible, and even if you do, you can't perform at your best.

It's the same as not being able to play when you're injured.

Even so, because you have a strong sense of responsibility, you play in the game while protecting your injury.

Then you fail and hurt yourself again.

So, what exactly do you gain from that?

All I can think of is becoming a professional in vicious cycles

That's what I was

That's why I want to continue with harsh words

Don't get cocky!

Are you so amazing that you can seriously make people feel uncomfortable and affect their lives?

Moreover, are you so amazing that you can do that with trivial actions and words?

"It's my fault that that person is in a bad mood"

Did you have such an influence that that person will still blame you for it 10 years from now?

It may be true in some cases, but it's often the problem of "that person" from the beginning

"It's because of my wrong judgment that this has happened"

Were you in a position to influence such a serious outcome?

This may be true in some cases, but the moment everyone entrusts you with the decision, it's also everyone's responsibility

"I'm causing trouble for everyone"

Do I have that much influence?

What about me, to whom, to how many (about 1 million people?), and in what form?

If you have that much influence, if you can make a proposal that makes people happy, the situation will change in an instant.

These are just a few examples, but people hardly pay attention to themselves. Everyone is too busy with their own things.

There are many people who want to have influence somehow, and sometimes even use underhanded tactics to get it.

Do you think that you were born with that kind of influence through your casual words and actions?

You may feel like you are being criticized for writing this, but
I am writing this because it was a trigger for me to wake up from my past.

Don't you think it's your fault, and that it's arrogant to think that you have that much influence on others?

And yet you feel depressed because you have no influence at all.
I don't understand what you're saying anymore, do you?

Are you stuck in a loop like that? That is what I gained

I'm not writing this in a condescending way to you, but simply because I think that the path I've taken might be useful to someone

The other day, my old article "Don't die" was accessed

It may have been an article from over 10 years ago, so it may not have been found in search engines

I think it was a little bit about an episode from that time, but that's not the main point

By publishing what I've gained from my past experiences

If someone somewhere reads it at some point and feels that maybe it's okay to live a little, or to move forward, or that they feel better

I think that being able to write and send out such things was something I gained

It's surprisingly easy to get out

It's not easy to say it's easy

I think the thought of "denial" crosses your mind in an instant

The reason is That's exactly it.

This is just a "habit of thinking".

Habits are surprisingly easy to fix.

There are many different habits in the world,
but if you really try to fix them, you can fix them.

Most of the time it's the other way around.
Remember this when you think it's your fault.
I call it the "opposite of blame" in my mind.

When you feel like it's your fault, it's often the other person's fault.
When you feel like it's someone else's fault, it's often you.

Because of that person.

Because of the environment.

Because of the world.

What you should really look at is when you're blaming others.
Because it's a common tactic used by the brain when you want to shift the responsibility.

That's why when you feel like it's your fault, think about whether it's really your fault.
And think about whether you really were the one who could have that much influence or were in a position to do so.

Since you've read this far, I sincerely ask you to like it.

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Yes, even if I screamed at the top of my lungs, you wouldn't budge
That's how little people are interested in other people

It means that you can't influence people that easily

You too should make yourself happy first
All talk comes after that, and you start with yourself
Nothing less, nothing more

Once you take care of yourself, you can finally show your true self
I think you should use your weapons to make more people happy, not to hurt others unnecessarily
Because that's a talent

Tips and phrases to improve
I've written a lot about this in previous articles, so it will be a bit repetitive, but I'll suggest some of the ones I often use

Add that you believe

This is used when you want to look at yourself objectively

"Oh, it's my fault!"+ Believing that "I'm the one at fault"+

Just that alone will change you so that you can make a calm judgment
This is because you can look at things objectively

Looking at things objectively means looking at them calmly from a safe place

Horror movies and suspense movies can also be calm because you're watching them from a safe place
The protagonists in them often make mistakes
This is because they don't have the time to do so

Will it go on the timeline?
This is a technique called reframing, which I personally used a lot
I still use it sometimes

When you're really worried or facing something scary
People's heads are filled with that and they mistakenly think they have the biggest problem in the world
However, most of these things are forgotten within a few days to a few months at most
When you ask yourself if the event that you feel is the biggest is a big enough event to go on the timeline.
It makes you feel better
I think it can be used in life in general, not just when you feel like "it's my fault"

A happy ending with the help of Kotodama
Kotodama is an ancient Japanese way of thinking that words have souls
You may make fun of it, but it's extremely effective
That's why even if it's a little lie, try changing it to a happy ending

Even if you say "the project failed because of me," you got a hint to get closer to success

Even if you say "I'm causing trouble because of me," there are people who get joy from helping others. Next time, I'll help them

"I made them unhappy because of me" So I've learned not to make the same mistake again

Just try changing the ending to a happy ending like that

Maybe now, after "it's my fault," You're probably brainwashing yourself with more negative reasons and plausible explanations.
Please realize that this is a habit of thinking.
I'll say it again.
All you get is a psychiatric drug that makes your hands tremble and a sense of despair.
It's painful and difficult, but it's not worth it.
It's not about people, it's about time.
As those who regularly read my blog know, I often talk about people (times).
It's also related to self-image, but I don't think people can be easily divided into types.
No matter how smooth sailing a person's life seems, they can change drastically over something small.
And the same thing happens in reverse.
It's not just common for the same person to change into a completely different person.
That's why I want you to know that you are not the kind of person who thinks "it's my fault" but that it's a time when you start to think that way.

There are only a few things in a long life that you can truly say "it's my fault" with complete certainty.

And everyone has those.

What is comfortable for you is right, and what is uncomfortable is wrong.

It might be a good opportunity to think about whether thinking "it's my fault" is what you really want for yourself right now, and whether it means valuing and loving yourself.

There was a time when you felt "it's my fault" right?

I hope the world can become a place where we can laugh together like that.

Instead of putting on a gloomy face and dragging everyone else down with you, saying it's your fault.

Try to make people around you smile because of you.

If you use the weapons you have, such as your sense of responsibility and sensitivity, correctly, I don't think it's that difficult.

Don't forget.

The person who understands you the most and can cherish you is yourself.

And I'm also there to support you from behind the scenes.

It's okay to take it slow.

I update it randomly.

There are many things I only write on my official blog.

I don't have the intention of getting someone to evaluate me or to argue my opinion.

I'm happy if someone who happens to find it can feel a little better.

I hope that you, who have read this far, can feel that your life is wonderful.

Thank you.