I am lacking in so many ways
A sister who isn't bright
A body that doesn't work right
A lack of ability
The list goes on and on
Everything is missing something, lacking somewhere
That's why I am unhappy
My sister (nee-chan) who isn't bright forgets important things right away
She forgets what we just talked about
She walks slowly
And she's not particularly good at anything
We really are siblings after all There are so many moments when I feel that way
But nee-chan takes care of things around me
She makes meals for me
She cleans for me
She does laundry for me
Everything is just "barely okay"
But for someone lacking like me, it's just right
Now that nee-chan is lying weakly on a hospital bed
She beckons me over with her frail hand as I sit in my wheelchair
I move closer to the bed as she asks
And call out, "What's wrong?"
Nee-chan, who seems different than usual, gently pulls my hand to come even closer
When I try hard to stand up a little
Nee-chan pulls me with slightly more strength
And gently embraces me, squeezing out her final words by my ear
"Kakeru? Your 'kakeru' isn't the 'kakeru' that means 'to lack.' It's the 'kakeru' that means 'to run.'"
A single word
But a certain one, falls from my mouth
"Mother"
In that instant the world changed and a different reality washed over me so vividly
In that moment I realize everything
No (nee-chan is Mother)
The person who had been protecting me all along
The moment I was embraced
I realize I am losing someone precious
I realize that everything is ending and everything is beginning
"Kakeru, please forgive yourself now"
Saying that, she departed
The sister was an illusion
I remembered everything It was the moment I faced reality
That accident vividly comes back
My life had been going so well
I had a wonderful wife and a 2-year-old daughter who had just started walking I loved them more than the word "beloved" could express
We were on our way to an amusement park
It happened in an instant
A car driving the wrong way appeared before us
Why?
Before I could even question it, we were thrown from the car
I have almost no memory
I saw the world spinning, saw the two of them flying away
That was the last
I also hit my head hard and my body became disabled I became an empty shell, unable to understand things
Those around me told me, hesitantly, about my wife and daughter's deaths I couldn't understand it, and I didn't feel sad Only tears naturally overflowed and I wondered what this was
It was a curse I had cast to protect myself And I had been living within it all along
That must have been why I thought my mother was my sister
That painful reality came rushing back all at once
I also understood that my mother had been playing the role of a non-existent sister to protect me all this time
Finally everything connected
But what connected was far too cruel
When I was embraced by the mother I had felt was my sister I understood everything
I had been in despair all along
The moment I understood, I felt like I was being told it was okay to come out now
Somehow it's okay to do so
And I thought I could
A confidence with no basis
That's the most important thing in living And I thought there was love in that
Strength entered my hands on the wheelchair's wheels
Slowly moving away from Mother
"Thank you"
Only one word came out That was enough
I was able to naturally face reality Moving forward slowly and surely through precious time
I open the frozen door to face what lies ahead
Nothing is scary anymore and I naturally head outside as if being invited
Slowly turning the doorknob, feeling my body tense up just a little, I step forward
Taking one step, there was gentle spring
The warmth of the pleasant sun, the gentle wind, the scent of spring
Such things welcomed me in the form of happiness
Embracing everything
My true self
The past I want to forget
The sad reality
So I finally made it out
Those who have lost something great Gain something even greater
It was the moment I understood that meaning
Timidly, I tried standing up from the wheelchair
Unsteady steps
Could fall at any moment
If I fall, I'll just get back up
I naturally thought that way
Wobbling
But surely dissolving into the light
I am in happiness
This was my reality
My new world has only just begun
The scenery ahead as I naturally began walking was beautiful
From a reality where I said I was unhappy
To realizing I had been happy all along
It was the moment that changed
————
Thank you for reading
Thank you for connecting
This is a story that somehow wrote itself from a dream I saw in the early morning of February 6, 2026, which I turned into a blog post for the first time in a while It's a story and dialogue that came out on its own, and it's fiction
But somehow it's connected to so many things I don't know why though
The name "Kakeru"
"Kakeru" meaning to lack
"Kakeru" meaning to speak words
The curse I "kake-ta" (cast)
Hands that "kakaru" (rest on) the wheels
"Kakeru" (running) toward the future
20260206 Dream Story
